Waiting to get better

This has emerged as my problem--I wait to get better and promise myself that when I am better I will do the things I want to do. This seems to me to be a dangerous continuation of a self-undermining habit I have had all my life. I have often been waiting for more time or a better time to pay attention to my own work. I have not allowed myself to devote myself to creative work. MY job, my teaching, my research, my editing, my scholarly writing all took priority. I think they did because they were not as scary--I knew that I could do them and not risk rejection. I felt that teaching was my vocation since childhood, and I loved the time in the classroom. I also separated my intellectual life from my creative life--or I should say that I made my intellect primary and I allowed my creative life to augment and enhance my scholarly writing and presenting. I never put my writing of poetry and plays in first place--or not for very long. Now I feel the pressure of time and the fact of disease and aging processes. These scare me and make me understand that in the immortal words of Elvis--IT'S NOW OR NEVER